


Hesitations and Discoveries

by technicolortidepods



Series: Experiments in Intimacy [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Clothed Sex, F/F, Kink Negotiation, Orgasm Delay/Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 05:40:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16257788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicolortidepods/pseuds/technicolortidepods
Summary: Yasha had no idea where to go from here. There was so much about this... this new thing between her and Beau that she didn't understand and lacked any kind of experience in. It was kind of terrifying. And she really, really wanted to learn more.





	Hesitations and Discoveries

Yasha was happy to be on the road again.

The stop in town the other day was always meant to be brief. The party had been traveling for about a week straight, and found themselves in need of supplies, spell components, and a couple nights worth of rest in actual beds. The small, agricultural community on the southern outskirts of the Empire was far from perfect, but it did the job. A few days among civil society had successfully put a somewhat restless party at ease.

For the most part, anyway.

Three days and two nights had passed since Beau had confessed to Yasha her desire to “mix things up” between them. They hadn’t really talked about it or acted on it since. It wasn’t like they had the opportunity to be fair; Jester had joined their room the following nights, missing the company of Beau as a roommate and demanding to hear all about Yasha’s travels. But still, Yasha was well aware that was just a convenient excuse. Having conversations about anything, much less about relationships, was decidedly not in her comfort zone. Confronting her own feelings regarding those kinds of things was an entirely different struggle.

It wasn’t like Yasha wasn’t interested, far from it. The image of Beauregard lying beneath her, utterly wrecked and dripping wet, whimpering and begging for Yasha to let her come was certainly appealing. Just thinking about it had Yasha a little more flustered than was becoming to admit. But she had no idea how to initiate such a change. What was she supposed to do, just go up to the woman and say, _Hey Beau, about what time were you planning on wanting to ride my fingers until you’re in tears and crying out for your father?_ That all seemed wrong, and the lack of spontaneity unnatural. Yasha was completely out of her depth here.

But that wasn’t the worst of it. Yasha knew that Beau was more than capable and more than willing to be up front about her desires when it came down to it. Beau’s forwardness and, well, general inclination towards having sex with her would save Yasha from really having to initiate any of these new explorations between them. No, it was the fear of being wholly unable to reciprocate that had Yasha avoiding the matter. Beau had been so earnest and open in sharing her intimate preferences, and Yasha wanted more than anything to make those experiences good for her. But most of her fantasies dealt with things Yasha had no experience with whatsoever. She would hate to disappoint her or do something wrong, especially concerning what Beau had been so vulnerable in disclosing to her. Beauregard deserved the utmost pleasure and Yasha was afraid she wouldn’t be able to deliver.

There was also the fact that Yasha herself had absolutely no idea what she wanted. It was only in hearing Beau rattle off a long list of kinks did Yasha realize how tame her own sexual escapades had been in the grand scheme of things. She had been perfectly satisfied with her sex life until Beau had let her in on a whole collection of things that were both terrifying and utterly enticing. But Yasha had no idea where to begin. She had no idea what she might like and she had no idea how to ask for it.

That’s why it was good to be on the road. Perhaps the constant travel would keep her and Beau too occupied to harken back to the events of a few nights ago. Ignoring problems such as these, troublesome as it might be, was always so much simpler than facing them head on.

However, that was easier said than done.

Even after only three days of going without one another’s touch, Beau was already yearning for more. Her flirtation was more unabashed than usual, her touches more public and less subtle. Beau even went as far to lay her head in Yasha’s lap while she was trying to drive the cart, her proximity completely intentional and distracting. Yasha had tried her best to keep her eyes up on the horizon and ignore the tingling in the pit of her stomach, but one poorly timed wriggle against her inner thighs that Beau swore was just her “trying to get comfortable” had Yasha swerving sharply to get back on the road.

“Brat,” Yasha had muttered at her after the horses had been coaxed back on the dirt path.

“Aw, you love it,” Beau had teased in return, tugging and playing with one of Yasha’s beaded braids that dangled over her shoulder.

Yasha gave a noncommittal grunt in response, but did a poor job hiding the ghost of a smile across her lips. She did kind of love it. Beau had her own kind of careless, messy charm that Yasha hadn’t anticipated falling for until it was too late. There was something youthful and reckless about Beau that Yasha envied and was inexplicably drawn too. She was never like that at her age.

Eventually, the sky began to darken over and the party began to set up camp for the night. There was a clearing a little ways into the woods, far enough off the beaten path to provide cover from any bandits looking to attack that seemed safe enough for an evening’s  stay. When the sun had finally set in the sky, the group was gathered around a campfire, sitting on a log and some rocks arranged in a circle, enjoying a pot of stew Caduceus had whipped up. Yasha had no idea what was in it, but it was warm and hearty and surprisingly appetizing nonetheless.

Across the firepit, Beau was loudly chatting with Jester about the latest salacious chapter of _The Courting of the Crick,_ a romance novel she had began a while ago and only recently found time to make progress in. For all her outward distaste of libraries or any of “that nerd shit Caleb was into”, Yasha could recall being awakened quite a few times by a dim candle light across her bed, only to find Beauregard nose deep and completely engrossed in the text. It was all quite endearing.

Even more endearing, however, was the way Beau’s blue eyes lit up with excitement and her animated gesticulations as she recounted the story to Jester. This genial, softer side of Beau was one few people saw or gave her credit for. But Yasha knew it well. She saw it every time Beau tried to cheer up a downtrodden Jester or Nott, every time she immediately rushed to Caleb’s side after battle to see if he was okay, and in the ferocity in which she clung to Yasha every night thunder would shake the sky, silently pleading with her to stay just a little bit longer. Watching her in those rare moments of vulnerability and kindness made Yasha’s heart skip a beat in her chest.

A tiny voice, one Yasha had trained to lock up in the deepest caverns of her heart and never let out, began to hum softly inside her.

_You love her, don’t you?_

Yasha pushed the notion aside as abruptly as it had surfaced. Love… love was dangerous. It only lead to pain and misery for those involved, especially in the life Yasha led. There was simply no place for it. To love someone, to give herself and her heart completely to someone was a luxury she could not afford. Dangling that hope in front of someone else, particularly someone she cared so much for, would be downright cruel.

She hadn’t realized she had been staring until Beau was staring right back at her with those piercing eyes and signature half smile. Yasha quickly averted her eyes towards her almost empty bowl of stew. She could tell a blush was forming across cheeks too pale to cover it up.

Shortly after dinner had been finished, Fjord began organizing volunteers for the evening’s watch. He offered himself and Caduceus for the final shift of the night and expectantly waited for the remaining five members of the group to step up.

“Yasha and I can take first watch, if no one else wants to.” Beau suggested causally, half raising her hand. Yasha could see right through the nonchalant manner in which she had volunteered. Spending those few hours scanning the campsite for potential danger had become something she and Beau both looked forward to. It wasn’t very often the pair got time alone together, away from the curious eyes and ears of their friends. Those few nights they had together were cherished things, precious time that was theirs and theirs alone.

Beau looked over at her and Yasha nodded in agreement. “We are happy to, Fjord.” She added. “It’s a nice night, I don’t mind being outside for a little bit longer.”

And that it was. It was warmer than the rest of the Empire this time of year and the dark sky was clear, free of any clouds obscuring the thousands of stars littered across the endless night. Yasha gazed up at it in wonder, sitting on the ground, her back leaning against the heavy log. She tuned out the sound of her friends debating whether Nott was too drunk to be able to take a turn on look out, focusing on nothing but the expansiveness of her surroundings. The sense of liberation that came with fresh air and a wide open road was something that could scarcely be found anywhere else.  

Yasha jumped at the shifting of weight behind her and feeling of knees bracketing her shoulders as she reached for the hilt of her sword that lay in her lap.

“Relax, Yasha,” came the low tones of Beau’s voice behind her. “It’s just me.” Yasha turned to see Beauregard sitting on top of the log behind her, looking a little too pleased with herself for being able to sneak up on her. Her hands were resting on Yasha’s shoulders, prompting her to lean back again.

With a sigh, Yasha complied, placing her head in Beau’s lap and letting herself relax a little into her touch. “You just surprised me, is all.” She defended herself weakly, hands still clenched on her sword. She didn’t want to be caught off guard a second time in case of a real attack.

Beau said nothing, opting instead to card her hands through Yasha’s hair. It was quite the soothing sensation, if Yasha was being honest. She had no idea such a mundane act as hair care could be so gentle and intimate. The precision and attention that Beau applied to every stroke of her fingers was fascinating. Beau gently worked out some of the tangles, making a small dent in Yasha’s otherwise massive, unkempt mane. She rebraided and rebeaded a few strands of hair that had gotten loose overtime, intertwining one in a sliver of blue ribbon that Yasha later recognized as the same material of her cobalt robes. Beau stayed silent, excluding the occasional, “Stop moving around,” or “Is that too tight?”, completely absorbed in her work.

“I didn’t know you knew how to do that.” Yasha told her after a while, when Beau seemed to finish the actual maintenance and was simply running her fingers through her handiwork, stopping to scratch lightly at the nape of Yasha’s neck. The blunt dig of Beau’s fingernails juxtaposed with the previous tender ministrations made her shiver a little bit.

“I know how to do all sorts of things,” Beau replied suggestively, playfully tugging on a fistful of Yasha’s hair for emphasis. Yasha felt her breath involuntarily catch as her head was brought dangerously close to Beau’s hips. She hadn’t been expecting that at all.

But suddenly, Beau just let out a little laugh, realising her grip on Yasha’s hair. “But seriously, you know I had, like, governesses and shit growing up. I learned how to do tons of ladylike stuff.” She said as she resumed her gentle scratching behind Yasha’s ears, slowly working her way down to massage the place where her neck and shoulders met. “My hair used to be as long as yours when I was younger, believe it or not.”

Yasha smiled at the thought of a younger version of Beauregard, all limber legs and bony elbows, running around her family’s estate with sleek brown hair down tied in a messy braid down her back. Her heart smiled along with her.

“I can believe it,” Yasha replied. “I bet you got into all sorts of trouble.”

“Enough to get shipped off to boarding school, that’s for sure.” Beau said with a grin. She brought all of Yasha’s hair to one side to place a soft kiss on her opposite shoulder. “I was a little shit back then too, I guess.”

Yasha leaned back a little, lolling her head to rest against Beau’s leg, giving her room to place even more light kisses on her neck. “You’re not a little shit, Beau.” She murmured, closing her eyes. She didn’t like hearing Beau talk like that about herself. Of course, Yasha was no stranger to feelings or self loathing and doubt. But hearing those words out of Beau’s mouth, words implied such an ingrained and normalized sense of self directed negativity, stirred something up inside of Yasha. She felt it clutch at her heart and gnaw at deep in her stomach.

Beau began to press more open, passionate kisses against Yasha’s neck, her hands venturing downward to grope at her breasts through her tunic. Under any other circumstance, Yasha would be in paradise with Beau’s insistent lips and practiced hands showering her body in affection, but this time she froze up. As uncomfortable as she felt talking about it, part of Yasha was even more troubled by the lack of negotiation between them. What was Beau expecting to get out of this? What would she herself have to do? Would that be something she was comfortable doing? And what if Beau wanted to reciprocate in return? All those nagging questions raced through her mind with every brush of Beau’s touch, making it impossible to focus on anything else.

“Ah, wait, Beau, hold on,” Yasha interrupted, pulling her hands away from her chest. “I, ah, I have to tell you something.”

“Mm, okay,” Beau replied, reluctantly pulling away. She rested her chin on Yasha’s shoulder, not wanting to give up on all contact completely. “What’s up?”

Yasha took a deep breath. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” She told her, speaking before knowing exactly what she wanted to say.

“What is it you’re doing that you have no idea about?” Beau asked, drawing out the sentence, trying to wrap her head around Yasha’s statement.

“It’s about us, about this new thing between us, I don’t know how this is suppose to work.” Yasha confessed, looking down at her lap.

“Oh.” Beau said quietly, retreating back on the log, breaking contact. “Shit, Yasha, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. I just kinda figured you’d be down with it too.” Yasha turned to look at her, watching the guilty expression on Beau’s face as she anxiously drummed her fingers against the back of her head, toying with the ribbon that held up her hair. “I’m… I’m sorry for putting pressure on you.”

Yasha couldn’t help but feel a little bit of guilt too. “No, it’s not that I’m uncomfortable,” she tried to explain. “Well, I guess I am a bit uncomfortable-- but not in a bad way or anything. It’s like… I… I don’t know how to explain it.”

“That’s totally fine,” Beau said, her examining eyes on locked on Yasha’s. “Take your time.”

Yasha closed her eyes and exhaled, trying to get her thoughts in order before she spoke. “I don’t have much experience with… with fancy things like this,” She began. “There are so many things, intimate things, I never knew I could try. And… I’m not like you, Beau, I have no idea what I would want and no idea where to begin.” She moved to sit cross legged in front of Beau, trying to read her face as the words came out. “I’m not afraid or anything… it’s just a lot.  A lot I’m not used to.”

Beau kept quiet, still watching her closely.

“But the way talk about things like that… you make it sound so nice.” Yasha continued. “I want these things, Beau, I want to know how it feels. I want to do them for you and I want have them with you. I just get… I mean, it’s just… it’s a lot, is all.”

“I get that,” Beau started carefully after a beat, patting the open space on the log next to her, motioning for Yasha to come sit. She did as much, gazing at the dim light of the campfire in front of them. “Let’s start small then. What do you like? Like, when we’re together and stuff, what kinda thing do you like when I do to you?” Beau asked, gently brushing their knees together.

“Well, I like when you use your mouth on me.” Yasha stated matter of factly, as if it were obvious.

Beau chuckled softly. “Yeah, I like using my mouth on you too,” she told her. “What else?”

Yasha thought for a moment more.“I like when you’re gentle, I think. I like when you touch me softly and you talk to me softly, and things like that.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Beau nodding encouragingly. “I like… I like when you hold me when I’m getting close… just, you know, like, guiding me through it and everything.” Gods, Yasha could tell her cheeks were already flushed again.

She turned to look at Beau, a little bashful, to see how she would react. The other woman was somehow stone faced and enraptured at the same time. “Keep going,” Beau said, bringing a hand to Yasha’s knee to stroke tiny, reassuring patterns with her thumb. “I want to hear more.”

Yasha let out a little hum in response. It felt nice to have a bit of Beau’s touch again. “I like being… ah, teased?” She tried, recalling memories of their past intimate encounters. “I guess that’s what that is? Well, I don’t exactly like it-- it’s very frustrating, you know-- but, uh, it feels good.” Yasha could tell by the way Beau’s entire hand began stroking back and forth on her knee that she approved of her answer, so she continued. “I think… well, if you got me close and left me there for a little while, just, not even touching me… I think that might be nice.”

“No, yeah, you were right.” Beau replied, a little breathlessly. “Teasing, edging, that’s what that is. I’m, like, so down for all of that, just so you know.” She smiled and gave Yasha’s knee cap a little squeeze. “Tell me what else you like.”

Yasha took a minute to consider. “I like having you under me,” she started, thinking back to the image of Beau underneath her, moaning and pleading for release. It really was quite a lovely sight. “You just look-- nevermind.” Yasha cut herself off when she saw the big, vacant smile plastered on Beauregard’s face.

“No, no, go on, I’m sorry,” Beau apologized quickly. “That just sounds frickin’ awesome. I’ll be chill, I promise. Keep going.”

Yasha sighed. “What I was going to saw is you just look pretty like that, that’s all.”

“Really?” Beau asked, her tone suddenly shifting.

“Yes,” Yasha nodded. “Your hair is all loose and soft and spread out… and you make the make those sweet little noises and you beg for me… I don’t know, I just like the sight of you is all. I like knowing I’m making you feel that way.”

Beau let out a deep breath. Her touches on Yasha’s leg were a little more daring now, tracing patterns up and down the length of Yasha’s thigh with delicate, practiced fingers. What had started as comforting had turned into something much different, and Yasha could feel herself begin to heat up.

“I love begging for you, Yash,” Beau whispered, snaking her other hand around and under her tunic, stroking up and down the soft flesh and firm, hard muscle of Yasha’s abdomen. Yasha couldn’t help but shiver under her touch. Even though Beau halted before reaching the material of her breast band or smallclothes, the contact with the sensitive skin on her stomach was still enough to elicit a little gasp of breath. “You’re so good to me, you make me come so hard everytime.” Beau said in her ear.

For a split second, Yasha could feel Beau’s hand brush directly up against her clothed core, and she gave a single, breathy moan. _Gods_ , Yasha thought, _I need this so bad_. She hadn’t realized how much she missed and craved Beau’s light touches until now. Between the physical contact and suggestive conversation, Yasha had transitioned from being totally averse to totally wanting.

 _You’ve never been like this with anyone before_ , her heart teased, _You must care about her a lot to let your guard down like this, to be so open, so vulnerable_.

Another nudge of Beau’s hand, her fingers grazing her clit through her trousers chased away the voice. “Talk to me, Yasha,” Beau murmured, “Tell me what else you want.”

“Th-there are times I would want you to take care of me too,” Yasha breathed. “As much as I like you beneath me, sometimes I just need something simpler. I wouldn’t want to be submissive entirely but… I don’t know, I like seeing you assured, and in control, and… and just taking care of me.”

Beau paused her movements, inches away from where Yasha needed it most. “Is that what you need right now? For me to take care of you?” She asked, her voice husky and low.

“Yes.” Yasha softly replied, “Yes, please.”

“Then you’ve got me.”

Finally, Beau brought her hand down, cupping between Yasha’s legs. She rocked her wrist a few times, appling the sweetest pressure to Yasha’s core. That little bit of gratification couldn’t have been more delicious.

“Hmm, Beau,” Yasha hummed as Beauregard began to leave tender kisses over the exposed skin of her broad shoulder.

“I want you to keep talking to me, Yasha.” Beau said against her body. “Tell me what’s gonna get you off here. I’m here for you, okay? I want to make this good.” She nibbled a little bit, leaving a ghost of a mark on pale flesh. “Just talk to me, you think you can do that?”

“I… okay,” Yasha said. She usually wasn’t vocal in bed at all, but she could give it a try. “I want… I want you to keep touching me through my clothes. I… I like the way the fabric feels against me.”

“Like this?” Beau asked, firmly rubbing the heel of her hand over Yasha’s clit. “How does it feel, tell me.”

“A-ah, a little softer maybe?” Yasha suggested and Beau complied, now pressing three fingers into the bundle of nerves, making spirals. “Yes, like that. And, um, I just like the sensation of it all, I suppose. It’s a muted feeling, not as strong… it’s like almost enough, you know? I-I think that feels really good, being not quite there.”

Beau began to touch her even lighter now, dragging the tips of her fingers to her entrance and back. Her other hand was lightly scratching up and down Yasha’s abs. “Is that what you want, right now? For me to get you there without finishing you off right away?”

Yasha nodded, eyes closed tight.

Beau shifted her position so she was straddling the log, pushed right up against Yasha’s side. She began kissing her neck, one arm wrapped around Yasha’s body to get to her stomach and the other between her legs. “Okay,” she said, “Let me know when you’re close. And keeping talking to me, I wanna hear more.”

Yasha stifled a groan. The dull pressure against her cunt through her trousers was everything. “Sometimes, ah… sometimes I like to touch myself.” Yasha told her through quiet moans. “Not because I don’t like it when you touch me or anything… I just… ngh… I know what I like and I like being responsible for my own pleasure.”

“Ugh, that’s fucking hot.” Beau commented, leaving a little mark on Yasha’s neck and picking up the pace of her strokes.

Yasha began to cant her hips against Beau’s hand, chasing the feeling. “But, ah, sometimes, if you wanted to… to watch maybe? And talk me through it? That would be-- I think I might like that very much.”

“I would love that,” Beau murmured, pressing two fingers along the seam of Yasha’s trousers before trying her best to take her clothed clit between them. “You almost there?”

“Hng… yes.” Yasha moaned.

“Good. Keep talking.”

Yasha could feel the way her smallclothes became slick with arousal with every empty contraction of her entrance. It wouldn’t be much longer until her orgasm. “Do you think… would it be alright if I… I used your body, sometime? To help me get off?” She asked, swallowing around nothing but her own rapid breathing. “If you just lay there and I used your thigh or your mouth or something? Maybe with you holding me and talking me through it and letting me get there myself.”

Beau moaned and bit down on Yasha’s collarbone. “Fuck, Yasha, that would be more than alright with me.” Her full attention was on Yasha’s clit, rubbing hard now, bringing her to the edge. “I want to see you like that so fucking bad, you have no idea.”

Yasha gripped the wood beneath her so hard it splintered. “Beau, I’m close.” She whined. Blood was hammering away in her ears and between her legs and her thighs began to tremble threateningly. “I-I’m about to come, Beau, please.”

That was when Beau pulled away, leaving Yasha bucking her hips into nothing but air. “Not yet.” Beau whispered. She began toying with Yasha’s breasts with the hand under her tunic, pinching at hard nipples through her breast band.

Yasha couldn’t help but let out a moan. This was ecstasy. She began twisting her hips in circles, trying to find the tiniest bit of friction against her swollen clit. There were a couple of times the seam of her smallclothes brushed up against the sensitive nub, but it was never enough to get her anywhere. It was the most frustrating thing, being on the precipice of orgasm and unable to fall. There was no torture more pleasurable.

After a few moments of stalling, Yasha canting her hips against nothing and trying to hold onto the feeling, she finally spoke again. “I-I need it now, Beau.” Yasha breathed. “Quickly, before I lose it.”

Painfully slowly, Beau brought her hand between Yasha’s quivering legs. “Are you sure?” Beau teased, finding her entrance and rubbing at it gently. “You wanna come like this, when I’m barely touching you?”

Yasha arched her back, biting her lip to keep from crying out in frustration. “A-a little higher Beau, please, just a little more…”

Beau listened, dragging her fingers up until she found where Yasha needed her most. She began tapping at the bundle of nerves lightly, with two fingers. “Here then? You need me to rub your clit?” Yasha nodded vigorously in response, eyes squinted shut. “I bet it’s aching right now, isn’t it?” Beau continued holding her fingers there and pressing down a little harder with every tap. “Tell me, Yasha, tell me what you want me to do.”

Little pieces of wood began to snap in Yasha’s hand. “I-I need… ngh… I need you to rub my clit.” She said through clenched teeth. “Gods, Beau, I’m almost there, I just need you to touch me, right there.” Yasha put her hand over Beau’s that was still groping at her breasts, encouraging her to go a little harder. “I can feel it… ah… feel how swollen and hard it is for you… I’m not gonna last much longer, just, please touch me.”

“I’ve got you,” Beau whispered, giving in and stroking fast, firm circles over Yasha’s sensitive nub through her trousers. “C’mon, Yasha, I’ve got you.”

With a stifled cry, Yasha came, thrashing her body about, almost falling off the log. Instinctively, Beau wrapped the arm that had been at her chest around her waist to balance her. Her climax hit her hard, and Yasha clutched Beau’s wrist tightly, preventing her from pulling away. That final, anticipated burst of pleasure felt so, so, good, especially after the deprivation. She ground her hips against the slow circular pattern of Beau’s fingers on her clothed clit, bringing her other hand to mouth and biting down on the flesh of her forearm to muffle the sound of her whimpers.

“Whoa, whoa, you good?” Beau asked with a little laugh, holding onto an unsteady and shaking Yasha.

“Y-yes, I... ngh… don’t you dare move those fingers, Beau.” Yasha gritted out, placing her hand over Beau’s to guide her pace. The aftershocks of her orgasm came and passed, reverberating through her veins, leaving a heavy sensation in her muscles and between her legs. Yasha twisted her hips against the welcome ministrations of their stacked hands, absently noting the firm grip on her bare waist as Beau slipped her hand back under her tunic, and the soft mutterings whispered against her shoulder, in between even softer kisses.

“Gods, Yasha, that was beautiful.” Beau muttered, her lips moving up to trace the length of a pale collarbone. “I could fucking watch you come for hours, you look so fucking amazing.”

Yasha wanted to respond, but all that came out was a stifled moan against her arm. Her mind was so blissfully free of anything but pleasure. Still, a tiny voice in her heart silently murmured back: _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

After a few minutes had gone by and the delicious pressure of hands through layers of clothing had dulled into something less comfortable, Yasha dragged Beau’s hand away. “Enough,” she croaked instead, releasing her arm from clenched teeth. Her senses began to come back to her, and that little voice in her heart was quieter, now that she wasn’t lost in the throes of pleasure. _Good_ , Yasha thought. _A little easier to ignore_.

“Sorry,” Beau said, drawing her hand back quickly, moving it to stroke one of Yasha’s thighs, up and down, from hip to knee. “Was that okay, the edging and stuff? It wasn’t, like, too much or anything?”

The genuine concern in her voice made Yasha’s heart squeeze threateningly. Beau was perfect. The way she had touched her, the way she had held her, the way she had spoken to her; it was everything Yasha had hoped it would be.

“No, no, no, just the opposite.” She reassured her, shifting her position to look directly into worried azure eyes. “It was exactly what I wanted.” Yasha swallowed a little, reaching for Beau’s hands and holding them, perhaps a little tightly. “You… you were exactly what I wanted. And I’m glad… I’m glad I got to experience this with you.”

Beau’s expression melted immediately into something Yasha could only describe as pure affection. “You’re sure? I wasn’t too rough with you or anything?” Beau asked again, this time with relief in her voice. “I was so nervous it was gonna be too much for you, you know, stimulation wise. I’m not used to, like, bringing people to the edge without finishing them off.” Her voice got quieter and she interlaced their fingers together, before whispering, “That was the first time I’d ever done something like that.”

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

“Well, you were very good at it.” Yasha replied, forcing those other words somewhere deep and secret. “And I was nervous too, this was… well, I had only ever done all of this, you know, getting myself close and everything… I had only ever done it to myself.” She confessed, looking down at their joined hands. Beau’s hands were so small in her own, lovely bronze skin encompassed by marble. “This… this was the first time I let another person touch me like that. You’re the only one.”

Suddenly, Beau let go of her hands and pulled her into a tight embrace, wrapping her arms around Yasha’s neck.

“Gods, Yasha,” Beau whispered in her ear, her voice so soft and perfect Yasha could cry. “I’m so, so glad you trusted me with that. I’m just-- I’m so glad I could do that for you, you’ve got no idea.” She pulled back to gaze at her, both dead serious and completely in awe. “Yasha, you-- shit, I don’t even know-- you’re just incredible, alright? You’re fucking incredible.”

Yasha looked back at Beau for a moment then looked immediately away, overwhelmed by the genuine emotion in her eyes. A moment more and she ran the risk of mistaking it for love, falling deeper into something all logic told her to avoid.

“Please,” she whispered, eyes closed, running her hands up and down Beau’s sides. “Please kiss me, Beauregard.” She knew that acknowledging what Beau had said with a response would only lead to inopportune declarations of a deeper feeling. So, as she felt Beau’s lips connect with her own and felt her hand gently cradle her face, Yasha repeated and memorized every last word that had just came out of Beau’s mouth in her head, and pushed them down to that same secret place in her heart.

After a couple of minutes that felt like hours, Yasha pulled away. “We should, ah, we should wake up Caleb and Nott, our time is almost up.” She muttered, half to herself, against Beau’s lips.

Yasha could feel the vibrations of Beau’s groan of displeasure echo between them. “Mmm, do we have to?” Beau complained, continuing to kiss her, her hands now tangled in Yasha’s hair. “We haven’t seen any monsters yet, or whatever. I think we better stay up a little longer, just in case.” She nibbled a little on Yasha’s lower lip for effect, grinning at the little sound of surprise Yasha made in response.

“You really are a bit of a brat, you know that?” Yasha told her, pulling away finally, despite wanting nothing more than to stay in Beau’s arms for just a few moments more. She stood up from the log, and suddenly felt a surge of discomfort between her legs when she tried to take a step. She was completely drenched, her arousal having pooled in her smallclothes, the sensation of her wetness smeared on the fabric and her inner thighs making the slightest movements drippy and uncomfortable.

Beau must have noticed the way she inhaled through her teeth and the stiffness of her lower body. “What’s the matter?” She asked, standing by her side. “You sore down there?”

Yasha shook her head. “No, no, I’m fine. Just, ah, a little sticky.”

“Well then,” Beau replied playfully, her voice low and suggestive as the pair of them made their way back to the tents. “Looks like I’m just gonna have to clean you up.” Yasha glanced over to see Beau lick her lips and raise a pierced eyebrow. Her stomach flipped a little at the insinuation. “Can’t have you going to sleep uncomfortable or anything, now can we?”

Yasha gave a little snort of laughter. “Yes, you’re probably right.” She said back. She wasn’t sure she could handle another orgasm right now, but was happy to put up with Beau’s flirty jests. “You go wake up the others; I’ll set up our bedrolls.”

“Whatever you say, Yash,” Beau responded, shooting Yasha one of her classic crooked smiles. “Your wish is my command.”

 _Gods, what an idiot_ , Yasha thought to herself, with the deepest affection. As Beauregard turned back toward Caleb and Nott’s tent, Yasha suddenly reached for her hand to stop her.

“Beau, wait.”

The other woman turned back around. “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to thank you. For earlier, I mean.” Yasha gave Beau’s hand a little squeeze. “I don’t think I got the chance to say it before, and I wanted to tell you now. So, thank you.”

Beau looked at her again with that same soft, overwhelming emotion in her eyes and gave Yasha’s hand a squeeze back. “You’re so welcome, Yasha. And, um, thank you again, for trusting me to do that for you. It was honestly just as good for me, I promise.” She stood on the tips of her toes for a moment, giving Yasha a quick peck on the lips. “I’m so glad you’re the one I’m doing this with, like seriously. I can’t think of anyone I would want to, you know, explore this with more.”

With that, Yasha watched as Beau released her hand and turned around, walking a few paces before disappearing inside Caleb and Nott’s tent. She stood there for a moment, bringing the hand to her chest and holding it close, staring at the space in front of her where Beau had just stood. As her heart rose to her throat, Yasha didn’t even notice the small smile that had found its way to the corners of her mouth.

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @technicolortidepods, if you feel so inclined


End file.
